people you love will end up hurting you. so why love them in the first place? 

sometimes I wonder how much is my capacity to love. I dont know why I’m able to love so much when the ones I love end up disappointing me time over time again. then I become so tired that I tell myself I dont want to love them already. but I still do love them, and I love them even more than before the disappointments. this is such a vicious cycle that Im unable to extricate myself out of. 

probably I just need to love myself more, so I wont have the capacity to love and get disappointed. yeah, i need more “me” time for myself. manicures/pedicures, chilling at a cafe with a book in hand, cuddle with a craftholic doll and hug it to sleep (yeah I really need to lay my hands on one soon), cook up new dishes and try new recipes, just do things that can be done without other people around. because im used to independence. 

even now after being in a rs for 3 mths, it still feels like as if im single though I’m attached. not sure if this is supposed to be considered a good thing bcos my bf’s really liberal. I havent met someone as liberal as him yet up till date so it will definitely takes time for me to adjust to this liberal r/s kinda thing… somehow after my previous rs, I’ve sort of lost the confidence to love someone. yes I may love now but i constantly have self-doubts abt what kind of love this is… an unconditional one that i give selflessly without expecting anything in return, or a love that is willing to settle for something like a bottle drifting aimlessly in the ocean. to be honest, I dont know. loving comes with a risk, and I’ve plunged into that risk without being certain of what to expect, apart from enjoying spending time together. what risk? its the risk that your heart may be broken. would you want to invest in such a love? 


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