this month seems to be passing pretty quickly. probably due to exams, studying etc. One more upcoming paper next week and I’m done with the 3 papers for this semester.
lately I’ve been having dreams of the same person appearing in it. & the most recent one was that in my dream i was crying. when I woke up it felt as if I was in a living nightmare. somehow I just dream of things that has already happened in real life and it scares me because my dreams are usually at least 75% accurate. ):
it’s been nearly a month now but somehow I still feel fixated at this juncture. im not sure how long it’s going to take me to move on because I get easily affected by what I see or derive from social media. doesn’t help that I think a lot. & ive been thinking that “maybe we should try and this r/s may just work out” was all along just an understatement. I gave up on the opportunity for something even better [a r/s that could have a stronger potential than the above understatement I’d mentioned earlier], for this v short term r/s [which was supposedly to last abt 1-2 years]. my only consolation is that things ended before feelings were stronger and deeper, and I saw through the flawed and ugliness of a person’s nature which took less than 6 months to be revealed. yes i admit I am flawed too. not that im superior in character… im still learning to be a better person. a stronger me. after surviving from 2 breakups within the span of 8 months.
okay anyway seriousness aside, I’ve made a couple of new friends recently.. really thankful that they have been offering me their listening ear and trying to distract me from thinking too much about the past.
just cant wait for exams to be over so I can go wild and drink to my heart’s content 🙂
So… turns up that the risk did happen.my heart’s broken once again. & i think it’s so brokened into pieces that it cant be brokened any further. i’ll only choose to remember the good times we had. Even after two weeks, I’m still trying to cope with this emptiness & loss. Yes we may have failed each other but at the end of the day, if we really want to stay in each other’s lives as friends then surely there still has to be effort? While we have decided to become “good friends” though I’m not sure about how this r/s turned friendship thing is gonna turn out because it seems as though he ain’t putting in the effort to make this friendship work out. & I’m not sure if the idea of staying as friends after a breakup could just be a blatant excuse to end things. How many ex in a bgr will stay as friends after that? I do miss him and I know that the feelings will definitely fade after a while. I do hope in weeks to come it would so that we can be back to how we were once close before we got together (then again, i’ll have to reserve some skepticism bcos the closeness definitely wont ever be the same again).
At the same time, I’m really thankful and blessed for the angels in my life. Thank you G & M, who drove down to meet me and talk to me so that I won’t break down and distracting me from thinking too much. You have no idea how awesome friends they are, to offer their time and being there physically + emotionally! Thank you S for assuring me you will be there for me all the time, no matter how late it is. Thank you E, for your attempts at cheering me by sending voice recordings of you singing..it really cracks me up sometimes & we go a long way back to 5 years ago. (so yeah i think its possible to stay as good friends with an ex cos E treats me as a bff now. lol? had a love-hate thing for him going on for the past 4-5 years and now im glad we can be good friends. but it took us really really long to be able to reach this stage). Thank you Lini for studying with me the other day. Thank you B for offering your insight. Thank you R, who is also going through a heart break season to support me! <3. Thank you sisters in Christ at church who comforted me when I told them about my situation. & thank you to whoever was constantly checking up on me by messaging me regularly to make sure I was ok. really. I won’t know what I’ll do without you guys. & I thank the Lord for the comfort he has brought to me, knowing He has greater plans for me and someone else secured as His best for me. For now, I’ll let my heart heal and focus on other more important things…