when “sorry” has a contradicting meaning to it.

So… turns up that the risk did happen.my heart’s broken once again. & i think it’s so brokened into pieces that it cant be brokened any further.  i’ll only choose to remember the good times we had. Even after two weeks, I’m still trying to cope with this emptiness & loss. Yes we may have failed each other but at the end of the day, if we really want to stay in each other’s lives as friends then surely there still has to be effort? While we have decided to become “good friends” though I’m not sure about how this r/s turned friendship thing is gonna turn out because it seems as though he ain’t putting in the effort to make this friendship work out. & I’m not sure if the idea of staying as friends after a breakup could just be a blatant excuse to end things. How many ex in a bgr will stay as friends after that? I do miss him and I know that the feelings will definitely fade after a while. I do hope in weeks to come it would so that we can be back to how we were once close before we got together (then again, i’ll have to reserve some skepticism bcos the closeness definitely wont ever be the same again).

At the same time, I’m really thankful and blessed for the angels in my life. Thank you G & M, who drove down to meet me and talk to me so that I won’t break down and distracting me from thinking too much. You have no idea how awesome friends they are, to offer their time and being there physically + emotionally! Thank you S for assuring me you will be there for me all the time, no matter how late it is. Thank you E, for your attempts at cheering me by sending voice recordings of you singing..it really cracks me up sometimes & we go a long way back to 5 years ago. (so yeah i think its possible to stay as good friends with an ex cos E treats me as a bff now. lol? had a love-hate thing for him going on for the past 4-5 years and now im glad we can be good friends. but it took us really really long to be able to reach this stage). Thank you Lini for studying with me the other day. Thank you B for offering your insight. Thank you R, who is also going through a heart break season to support me! <3. Thank you sisters in Christ at church who comforted me when I told them about my situation. & thank you to whoever was constantly checking up on me by messaging me regularly to make sure I was ok. really. I won’t know what I’ll do without you guys. & I thank the Lord for the comfort he has brought to me, knowing He has greater plans for me and someone else secured as His best for me. For now, I’ll let my heart heal and focus on other more important things…

 

 

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