reflections on relationships

After being in several relationships in my teenage years, this is what I learnt:

I first got into a relationship when I was 18… later than most of my peers who got into 1 during secondary school days. The first relationship was a very short one. & I really hated him back then for damaging my view about love. took me almost 4-5 years before I can say our friendship is restored. but I thank him for giving me up just so he wouldn’t hurt me.

Every relationship teaches you different life lessons. This relationship taught me about long suffering. 

My second relationship was slightly longer but it was short-lived too. this guy promised me the moon and the stars (just an analogy) and made me really happy during those days but he was a cheater. chatting actively with a girl behind my back and I didnt know it till we broke up, that they “got together” the day before the breakup happened. wished I saw the red flags coming when he mentioned her name several times while we were outside.

This relationship taught me that actions speak louder than words else they are simply empty promises.

The third relationship was the longest by far. I’ve mentioned about it a few times in previous posts. This guy was the one that understood me the most, though many at times I really doubted if he did. He didnt even have to say the words “I understand you; I know you too well” blah blah but being together for this long made me realise that this is how a serious relationship should be like. This guy was insecure, jealous easily and somewhat possessive but it made me realise that its because he loved me to the point that my actions could cause him hurt else he wouldn’t have expressed such things out. He made me a part of his clique & family, asking me along for birthday celebrations, gatherings. He wasn’t even afraid to let others know that we were together though we weren’t too high profile about it.

there are times when you feel like giving up but your love for each other makes you stay on. I remembered we talked about breaking up a few times but it didn’t happen till much later. there were disappointments and diff. milestones in our lives that we went through together. Sometimes when I look back, I ask myself why I couldn’t accept the differences in between and whether I really regret being with him for so long. Till now, we’re still on each other’s social media but we seldom contact.

This relationship taught me that sometimes the one you love the most will be the one who disappoint you the most. & even if you love someone, you may not end up being together with them forever. It’s better to let them go, for the grass is greener on the other side. 

The fourth relationship was another short one. I believed that I did love him. Enough to nearly compromise on my own moral values, betray my conscience/go against my beliefs. It took me months to get over the guilt I felt for allowing myself to be in such a risky situation. Then again, this rs might have been a rebound from the previous long-term rs so I’m not sure if we were actually manipulating each other via indirect means.

This relationship taught me that true nature of a person would unfold with time. He wasn’t perfect & neither was I. Don’t give up on what you strongly believe in; nor try to change the other person based on your own personal standards. Love comes with acceptance of their imperfections. Love without expectations that it will be equally reciprocated. 

(this post is one of the most personal posts ever. It was originally drafted in late April but I edited some things before deciding to upload. Please don’t judge nor criticize what I’ve mentioned but you’re free to add on what you’ve learnt about love from your own relationships if you want.)

I think I’m one step closer to finding the right one. I know exactly what I’m looking out for in my potential partner. Have shared with certain close friends of mine about this. Can’t reveal too much about this but generally, a Christ-centered relationship, one that brings intimacy to a whole new level, pray together,  make a commitment, serve together in love. We may make a mental checklist of what we want in our partners but ultimately, I think it’s only by divine intervention that the right person for us would appear in our lives. 🙂

God bless. & thanks for reading. ❤

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2 thoughts on “reflections on relationships

  1. Great Post. I really could relate to your past experiences. When you talked about being one step closer to finding the right one and knowing exactly what your looking out for in your potential partner, I could relate 100%. I just broke it off with my boyfriend of 1year. It was a relationship that truly tested my faith & morals. I could have made much better choices, but It was by far my most serious and longest relationship. I found out he was talking to someone else on the side.. call it Women’s intuition, but I knew something was strange. I believe whole heartily that we needed to have these relationships so that we can be better prepared for our ultimate life partner. God is amazing in that way. Things don’t always happen how or when w want them too, but they do.

  2. @autumnleavessway Thank you for your comments. Indeed each relationship is a preparation for something better that God has in store for us. He brings us out of the relationship to lead us to someone more deserving of us and our love. I previously blogged about not settling for less than God’s best. You may read up on it here https://espoiramour.wordpress.com/2014/06/22/dont-settle-for-anything-less-than-gods-best/ (:

    Have a blessed new year this 2015! ❤

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