On the back burner?

Call me a reflective person, or a thinker. That’s who I am. It may be bad, or good depending on how you look at it. Sometimes I tend to over-think and I know it’s not healthy because it makes me emotionally unhappy. Just within this week, I woke up feeling angry and upset at people who made “promises” saying “let’s meet up soon”. But the meet up never happens so it leaves me feeling disappointed and I’m wondering whether I should take people’s words literally or figuratively. I told myself countless of times not to trust their words unless they followed it with actions. Time and time again, it keeps happening till I really feel like giving up talking to them. Yes, you can put in effort to talk to someone, and you dont feel appreciated enough by them. In some cases you keep talking about wanting to meet up and when you propose a certain date, they say they will let you know again.

To you, its important that they arrange several days in advance so you can plan your schedule to fit them in nicely. But when they say they will confirm again, they confirm it at a much later date (like 1 or 2 days before they want to meet) and expect you to be free for them?! Or you have to ask them about whether you guys are still meeting and they say not sure yet or whatever. Do they even have the common sense to realize that you may have other commitments too -.- and you have to keep pushing back or rescheduling till you dont even feel like meeting them to catch up properly anymore. I’m certain I’m not the only one feeling this way. If you are treating your good friends as if they are on the back burner, PLEASE CHERISH THEM EVEN MORE if you even consider them as your good friends. Think about them as well instead of just focusing solely on yourself. If you don’t even care about them, you don’t deserve to be their good friends at all. Getting out from their lives would probably make them feel miserable about empty promises.

I nearly uploaded a picture on my social media with words like “Life is short. Be kind to yourself. Stop wasting your time waiting for people to justify their absence from your life with excuses. Those who appreciate you will genuinely care about spending quality time with you instead of treating you as a low priority or as options for their backup plans.” But what’s the point of uploading it online IF the people (good friends) whom the message is intended for, doesn’t get the hint? Or if they still refuse to do anything to change how things are? I eventually chose not to upload it on my social media. & I’m glad I didn’t.(probably another sign that I’ve matured more ^^) I told myself to forgive them for hurting me, plus sometimes its hard to forget the disappointments they have caused so I’ll have to do it slowly.

In discouraging times like these, I’m reminded of the serenity prayer. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”.

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Haven’t really been consistent in doing QT/devotion of late. I’ll end up accumulating 2-4 days of bible reading at once. Sometimes I’m worried that this will be something done routinely and experience dryness in understanding the scriptures. Please keep me in your prayers regarding this matter…

Spent the valentine’s day weekend serving in my ministry. Though it’s my first in years spending V-day as a single, it felt very meaningful to me because of the opportunity to serve the Lord. My discipleship group was down for “servants of the month” duty and I joined them after service to help out so I didnt spend vday being alone. The married couples in my cell did not celebrate vday so I managed to join them and their kids for ice cream after we finished up with our duty. Yay to fererro rocher flavored ice cream! πŸ˜€ It was super good! hahaha. I can never resist ice cream. oopssss.

I had to wake up at 6ish AM to prepare for ministry, which I’m still struggling to wake up this early 😑 Managed to get a cab via the GrabTaxi app (which thankfully came within 5 minutes of wait) just so that I wouldn’t be late for sound check. To my dismay, the NETS function was unavailable inside the cab. I only had about $14 with me and there was a booking surcharge too. I was worried that I wouldn’t have enough cash to pay for the fare. Throughout the ride, the driver kept talking to me and I answered him distractedly while making mental calculations of the fare and praying that the cab fare wouldnt exceed the amount that I had. Thank God that I alighted from the cab paying $12 inclusive of the surcharge (: I was also surprisingly the first one on my team to arrive for sound check. Guess I’ll have adjust to waking up earlier on a Sunday a month. It can be tiring to serve for 3 services a month yet being able to serve has always been a joy, especially if it’s done with the right intention (to humbly glorify Him rather than to seek the approval of man/for self-glorification).

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