life as it is…

Been so long since I last blogged.

Blogging’s like a personal reflection which I make public.

It scares me sometimes, how much self-discovery I’ve made along the way.

The past few months have gone by rather quickly, and I find myself getting rather jaded, like a part of me has gone to idk where (not sure how to describe this exactly). The experiences I go through, people I interact with frequently, shape who I am right now.

Somehow I feel less positive and start having more negative vibes. I haven’t been praying as much as I wanted- like really seat down and set aside proper time to pray. I worry more than I should be.

I guess I’ll not be blogging till I’m able to feel more optimistic. Health hasnt been good of late. I’m nearly falling sick, cough’s sinking in and sounding rather nasal. Hoping and praying for a smooth on-call week.

I hope my readers would have a great week ahead.

Xoxo,

Jules

 

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Happy Leap Year Day

Last year, I wrote a letter to myself on futureme.org on Feb 18 2015

Checked my gmail account today and stumbled upon the reminder for myself

image

The past year has been personal reflection and growth for me. I completed at least 2 of the 3 things mentioned there too. I’ve come to the point of my life where I’m seriously thinking about settling down.

Its funny how things can change within a year. I found happiness when I wasn’t really looking intently. The man who came into my life, came at the point when “love comes when you least expect it to” and it is in the most surprising and unexpected way.

This man fulfills almost whatever mental checklist I have about a person; what I think God’s best for me is. The list became void as I got to know him along the way. It started from being acquaintance, to friends, good friends and to where we are at right now. We’re still dating to know each other better and hopefully, progress even further from this point forth.

Whatever the outcome may be, I know that God is in control and that I should trust in Him. 🙂

The month of love

So it’s the start of February, and it’s a leap year!

Gonna spend 1/3 of this month travelling in Tasmania. Excited for the trip but some apprehensiveness as well…just praying for journey mercy and a good time with my travel mates.

February is my favorite month of the year, not because it’s my birthday month but because its the season of love.

This year, I’m challenging myself to love people whom I struggle to love- people in my workplace, people in church etc. I find it difficult to extend God’s love to some people. I pray constantly that God will help me to manage my emotions and tolerance around people whom I find hard to love. No one said it was easy.

I’m a peace lover, I tend to avoid conflicts/confronting others. However if I were to have to confront someone, I need to do it in a loving manner. I need to exercise caution in pointing out the flaws/areas for improvements because I dont wish to hurt others.

Loving someone is never easy. It cannot be accomplished by mere human efforts…..

 

 

Happy 2016

Such an irony that I’m only blogging this in the last week of January. I’ve actually saved a post as a draft but decided not to publish it as I felt it may be incoherent.

I’ve decided not to come up with any official New Year’s resolutions for the year, so that I wont add pressure on myself.  But my resolution involves spending more quality time with my loved ones (:

New year brings about added responsibilities at work. Not quite ready to face it but letting it sink slowly in.

May this be the best year yet for us all!

 

Love,

Jules

Last blog post of 2015

So many things have happened along the way this year. Time has passed even faster than it did last year. Top 8 key highlights to summarize 2015.

-Travelled to Hong Kong with my bff after 8 years of friendship!

-Joined Music Ministry as a backup vocalist

-Received a job offer on the same day of my job interview and started work on the same day as my bff too

-Obtained a SNCS Level 1 Rock Climbing certification

-Attended two memorable weddings of my paternal cousins

-Officially graduated from my university course

-Signed up for vocal lessons and successful made it to the next stage

-Ran for my first half marathon- 21.1KM

Used to make New Year’s Resolutions each year but find it hard to stay on track because I dont have the habit of reviewing my goals monthly. Have been trailing behind in my “read the bible in a year” thing. I’m definitely going to catch up on it before I fly off for my next holiday. somehow even though im trying to clear the backlog, God’s word still fits into the season of life I’m currently in now. I’m sorry God for allowing other things to take priority. Help me to get back on track and set things right with you.
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A main summary of 2015 would be this:

This year my focus was on maintaining my close friendships with the people around me, and also personal development- by serving others and also learning new things along the way. There were several points in 2015 where I was emotional- dealing with the loss of people I know, attending funerals; and celebrating weddings. Certain times self-doubt creeps in when I’m at work- honestly its tougher than I thought it would be. didnt think I’ll have to be on-call so soon when im < 1 year into the job, be the in-charge for planning Christmas and year end celebration etc. I think I’ve matured more in my thoughts now too, after getting so much exposure to the community. Health was significantly weaker than previous years. seems as if age is really catching up. doesnt help that im working in a germ and bacteria filled environment. Dad’s still worrying me with his condition- he doesnt want to go for surgery though doctors have recommended him to since Aug 2015. Apart from that, someone dear who have seen me grow up for the past 24yrs of my life is slowly slipping away 😥 and i get so emotional when I think about that dreadful moment. My love life wasn’t a big deal to me this year nor was it the utmost priority. I’m definitely stronger now after letting my heart heal and rest for about 1.5 years, and I’m ready to start dating seriously. Have been on casual dates on and off but I’m trying not to have high hopes because I dont know where these dates would lead to, or whether I’m being used by others as part of their agenda. I’m extremely cautious about dating people who have been out of relationships. I dont think its fair for them to date others if they are going on a rebound mode. Sorry I may sound old fashion but the people I date are those who I see potential in, to progress to courtship which leads to settling down. I’m not looking for someone perfect because that person doesn’t exist at all. If they are perfect, I wouldn’t need Jesus would I? So I’m just going to date slowly till I feel God’s leading. I’ll let Him write my love story 🙂

My focus for next year would probably be on prayer, strengthening my commitment in Christ and going for more self-development courses.

 

Viral infection

Started off this month with a 21.1KM half marathon. Due to the haze, my running buddy and I were unable to train much. We met with a setback for the remaining 1/3 of the race. What was the first thought that came to mind? Give up the run and just back out? No wayyyyy. In whatever state we were, we made it back to the finishing line, sprinting in style just so the photographer could snap a good shot. LOL!
We’ll definitely have to be more prepared for the next race (which likely aint gonna happen till 2nd or 3rd quarter of 2016)
Immediately the next day, my muscles were sore. Had to take sick leave to rest at home.

Two days later, I started having a flu. Went to see the doctor halfway through the day. She diagnosed that I was down with viral infection and prescribed me 8 different kinds of medications for my flu/runny nose and my foot pain since my Ibuprofen didn’t work. But 8 medications’ seriously too much! 😮 Had to go to the pharmacist and requested to cancel off some “i dont need this as I already have it at home” medicine. Still, bless her for giving me 2 days of sick leave to rest. Thank God for the much needed rest.
The medications knocked me out really well.

While I was resting, the bible passage John 15:5 (NIV) came into my mind. “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”
It was a gentle reminder to stay connected to God just like how the branches were to the vine. And without Him, we are unable to bear fruits that would bring Him glory. Even when we try to accomplish things in our own way, the fruits we harvest from our own hands won’t be served as a testimony of His goodness in our lives. Thank you God, for showing me that I have to always seek You first, before I attempt to do things and to be more sensitive to Your leading.

Oktober

Convocation was on 7th October. Yes I finally graduated! Had to wait 10 months for the ceremony. How it feels? Wished I had more time to take photos with my course mates. Several close friends & my family came down to support me. Their presence means so much to me ❤

Emotionally draining month it is. Time seems to pass by even faster than it did for last month. Trying to get my momentum back at work. This month, I'm stressed out working with the medical team. there are internal processes which requires amendments and will definitely take more than 6 months to implement, judging on how "quick" the responses have been for my current portfolio. I'm not sure if I'd want to go beyond Orthopedics. Well, I probably will need more time and exposure. It's exhausting to do up funding applications and chasing for things to be done.

Sometimes I question myself if my assessment was conducted adequately, or whether I'm doing enough. My basis for rejecting people for financial assistance is related to their current lifestyle of comfort. But just how true are their accounts? Some may over declare or under declare. I need to be able to know when to act in discretion and when not to. Hoping that I wont be too jaded or desensitized. 😡

Met up with my sec sch friends to chill at Timbre last weekend, and we went to sing after that. Been so long since I last drank and I hit my threshold after 3.5 pints of Erdinger, a bottle of Asahi and 2 glasses of Vodka mixed with lemon juice. & I was feeling so tired just after the Erdinger. By the time I was done with the Vodka I literally went into a sleepy mode all the way till I reached home. If you were to ask me what my preferences were when it came to drinks, I'd rather drink wine- moscato (:

Not sure if I wanted to post this but I'm just gonna do it. Some friends have been asking me what I thought about the City Harvest trial case, or the church at its current state. I left because I didnt value superficial relationships, felt I wasn't growing spiritually and I felt called to move on to somewhere else. As simple as that.
When I left, I was having difficulties adjusting to other places. I went church hopping, couldnt bring myself to commit. Perhaps I'd developed a commitment phobe after leaving CHC. I wasnt there as long as others but 5 years is enough to cause some damage unfortunately.

I'm happier at where I am now. I'm happy with serving on the music team on a monthly basis, attending discipleship group once a week. But if you were to ask me to register for membership, I'ld really need more time to think it through. I dont want to end up having to keep transferring my membership each time I switch to another church. It took me more than 2 years to decide to join a fellowship, and 3 years to decide on joining a ministry in my current church. Will I ever go back to a megachurch? Probably just to visit but I'll never be able to commit.

My final words for this post:
"It takes someone out of the circle to understand and agree with external opinion after rationalizing the course of actions that took place. It is inevitable that humans make mistakes due to sinful nature. Light was shed, motives, intentions and purposes were questioned.

Who are we to condemn and rebuke others just because of their wrongdoings or misdeeds; Ultimately, it is the Lord who will judge us according to our deeds. What we need is a subservient heart that yields to the Lord in humility and true repentance, for He is just and faithful to forgive"